I'LL NEVER BE THAT BOY AGAIN!

It's almost 11:30 pm. I am supposed to be sleeping tight. Its cold and it's chilly night. I am still wondering why sleep didn't find essential to come to me. Maybe my lowering self esteem has been able to provoke sleep against me. I really don't know what to do. Suddenly my mind decides to go back to the past. I even have no idea why negative things decided to come fast forward. I know it's really annoying but I literally can't help myself. I look at my nails turning blue and I can't find out reason. I don't know if it happened due to agony, pain, fear, anger or anything else. I can't even ask it with anyone because its the case that happens maybe only to me. I don't know who else have stupid emotions connected to nails. My mind starts to revolve back to the past, the past that taught me every kind of emotions. May it be happiness, cheerfulness, smile or torment, anger, fear, jealousy, hatred or whatsoever. Tears dripping out of my eyes were may...